Facing My Demons

Brain is spilling out with heartfelt experiences about what I learnt from my trip to Portugal. There’s honestly soo much to write about! This will be one of many Portugal inspired blog posts.

First off, let me take you back to my past…

Childhood trauma haunted me.

I couldn’t escape, because it was me.

It swallowed me into a pit of depression.

Little Naomi didn’t know how to handle it,

She was a child,

She couldn’t hold the darkness,

It built up,

until it exploded into panic attacks.

I’m now realizing how strong little Naomi is.

I love her soo much.

The saving grace,

The holy vibrations,

MUSIC.

Music saved my life.

Got lost in the rhythm.

Took me to another reality.

A sweet surrender.

Dancing like a flame,

Singing at the top of my lungs.

In those moments,

I was free.

My demons melted away.

I would dream of seeing my favourite artists live. One year I got hyped up about Lollapalooza, a music festival in Berlin. But little Naomi lacked confidence, friends and money to go. I was living in a place of fear.

The last few years I’ve been healing my trauma wounds. My spirit guides assure me that this world has beautiful things for me. I trust the universe. I am open to receive the miracles life has to offer.

In 2019, I let go of what was dulling out my light; left a shitty relationship, left my job, my house, gave away most of my possessions, bought a one way ticket to Greece and tickets to the 2020 Porto Primavera festival.

Due to covid the festival kept being postponed but finally it arrived!

Thing is with trauma is that it keeps coming up. Its a constant battle, but once you make friends with the demons, it gets a lot easier to reason with them and not let them take over your reality.

They started whispering thoughts of fear

“Everyone will be drunk with their friends, and you’ll be the sober loser on your own”

For some time I entertained these ear worms.

Then I came to my senses.

I have the music.

It’s about the music.

My childhood dream.

I AM strong enough to go on my own.

Little Naomi would be so proud.

So off I hopped on a plane to Portugal…

To be continued…

On BIG Mouth Naomi

Living on the road

Cycling through Greece, during the summer, isn’t the best idea! I’m glad I did it though. Gaining wisdom through experiences and anecdotes to write about!

I was staying at this cafe for four hours, reading my book, charging my phone, using the WiFi. Avoiding the 32° heat!

The Serbian waitress face lit up, when she found out I was from England.

“You’re from England! I love England!” she shrieked

As I’ve spent most of my life in England, I don’t appreciate it as much as a tourist would. I find it a bit boring. Especially comparing it to the rich Greek culture.

She went on to ask me loads of questions about where I lived, London, what my favourite boy bands are!

I reeled off some nostalgic boy bands that I would scream out the words too when I was a teenager and occasionally now and then haha.

“The Kooks, Scouting for girls, The Hoosiers”

She diligently wrote these down, then stated “Mine’s One Direction”

Of course is was, I thought. I was at school when they were on X factor. Whether you like them or not, Harry Styles was a common lunchtime topic amongst the girls.

Although the Serbian waitresses was enjoying my company. Most people don’t stay in cafés for four hours. I was trying to read the energy of the owners, are they thinking “when is this girl going to leave already”

The thing is, I would have love to get back on my bike and continue my route, but it was just too hot! I started cycling from Loutraki and was planning on cycling to Patras where I could get a boat to a Greek island or to Italy.

As the land curves round, I could see Loutraki, where I started off! “I was over there, now I’ve managed to get here, by pedalling myself, well done Naomi!” I proudly told myself.

The first night of sleeping out in nature, I kept passing potential places to set up camp. “There’s gotta be a better spot” lying to myself, I was nervous. As once you’ve found a spot and claimed it as yours for the night, it becomes real!

As it got later, darkness crept in, which made me worry even more! I settled for an abandoned area in Corinth, it really stank of poo, but thought “oh well at least I’ve found somewhere.”

You don’t realise how loud the outside world is, until you sleep in it. Sirens, dogs barking, cars, mosquitos. If you focus on the noise you’ll never get to sleep. Focus on your breathing. I started deep breathing.

Felt relaxed, until I heard footsteps, coming from the abandoned house. It was a middle aged man. My eyes widened. I darted straight for my pen knife. He saw me. He slowly started to undo his belt. Fuck! This is it! I shoved my feet into my shoes. Then looked over, to see him squating down, having a shit! Then he just sauntered off, as that was the most natural thing to do!

That smell of poo, was his! It grossed me out, so I ended up getting a hotel room.

This was a message from the universe, gently reminding me of what I already knew. Our thoughts become reality. I attracted that situation. I was already in a state of fear, before the man arrived. So naturally more fearful situations are prone to happen.

When I tell people my plans, some well meaning people project their fear on to me, I don’t discredit them, but I don’t hold on to these ideas.

Actually, the statistics show that you’re more likely to be murdered by someone you know. SOO yeah!

After this slightly scary situation, I became alot more chilled out to camping. There’s loads of vineyards in Greece, where trees are a perfect distance apart to hang a hammock. You might be gifted by falling fruit during the night!

Crickets sing through the night. Olive branch silhouettes illuminated by the stary sky. Gently rocking myself to sleep, was soo in love with those moments.

Although the birds woke me up at 5am, how could I be annoyed? They’re celebrating a brand new day! I’d wake up full of pride that I’d manage to sleep outside.

Sleeping under lime trees

I managed 3 nights outside and 1 night in a hotel room, covering a distance of 27km. Okay, it’s not a huge amount, but I’m happy I gave it a shot! I was wasting alot of time just avoiding the heat. I’m now on a ferry to Italy! Looking forward to new adventures ahead!

I still have a few unfinished posts about Greece that I may finish and publish! So don’t be confused if I’m still talking about Greece!

Miss these two!