here i am

I don’t like doing what I’m told, even if its by my higher self, aka me the one that knows everything.

My ego is like “I did all this inner work that lead to a spiritual awakening, which was incredible and terrifying, just so I can spoon feed people what I’ve learnt. Bitch please, they’re called ancient secrets for a reason. Do the inner work you’ll find out, cause it’s literally encoded in your dna.”

During meditation my higher self explains

“It’s Your Purpose to share what you have found. You can try to run away from it, but it will only leave you feeling frustrated and unsatisfied, because deep down this is what your soul is meant to do.”

Ego releases a loud sigh “I’m fucking cursed”

“It’s a gift!” laughs higher self

“Look up the meaning of your last name…”

My last name is Bott. Did a google search to find that the name has roots in the German language and means ‘messenger emissary’. I looked up the meaning of ’emissary’ and it came up with; ‘a person sent as a diplomatic representative on a special mission.

“Sounds intense. Now I know how Joan of Arc felt.

How can I put into words what I’ve experienced?” moaned Ego

“You’ll find the words. Or rather the words will find you. Don’t force it. Play with it. Why so serious?”

Best friend Jesus said be like a child. That means connecting with your inner child. My inner child hasn’t introduced themself yet in this blog post, and that’s okay, letting them know that they can.

I really cherish my inner child. She sings at the top of her lungs, dances until she’s out of breath, rolls down hills, makes compost soup, builds fairy dens and believes in magic.

Basically I see myself split into three main people. (There’s loads more but I tend to focus on these three)

Higher Self= All knowing soul connected to source.

just imagine,

knowing E-E-E-VRY-THING

and everyone around you also knows everything.

Everyone considered themselves as one

Would there be any point to life?

it’s nice,

but it’s boring.

we need to play

in the realm of the physical world

why we have created this

wonderful simulation

to do just that

Stim-ulate us

through

Se pa ra tion

we dance

to the greatest song of all time

The Verse of The Uni

Before coming to earth we undergo a process,

where we forget who we are.

Life is a game.

My soul can Breathe

First night at my new place. In fact it’s my first night sleeping in a proper bed in about 2 months! Due to being homeless, once again. To be fair I did have homelessness on my bucket list, for the experience and wisdom it gives. You learn to love the little things, plus it gives you freedom to move anywhere you please. But ultimately having your own personal space is so important for the soul.

While I was living in my tiny tent, I found a red printed mandala duvet and pillow case set in a charity shop. Now I’m ecstatic to have it on an actual bed!

Here I am, on this beautiful bed and can I sleep, can I fuck lol.

One must experience complete darkness, before you can find the light.

I’ve been patient.

I’ve followed the gentle calling of my heart.

Tripping Through trials triumphantly.

It hasn’t been easy.

It’s slow and messy.

be easier to end it all. But I could never.

Life is beautiful even in the darkness.

Look at the skies,

moons and sunrises.

Abundant woodlands.

Weed and Music.

Thank fuck for music.

I knew my time for happiness was coming.

This pain hasn’t been in vain.

There’s a reason.

You’re here.

For a reason.

Don’t doubt that!

Or think “oh I’m not that special”

You are whatever you say you are.

Build yourself up babe.

Because We need You.

To be the most you,

(because only you can do it muthafucker.)

Amongst all the noise,

Listen to the gentle calling of your heart.

The universe will give you everything

you need to grow.

Find the patterns

that don’t serve you,

crush them with your spirit.

This will rewire dna.  

You’ll flourish

into an abundant human.