Facing My Demons

Brain is spilling out with heartfelt experiences about what I learnt from my trip to Portugal. There’s honestly soo much to write about! This will be one of many Portugal inspired blog posts.

First off, let me take you back to my past…

Childhood trauma haunted me.

I couldn’t escape, because it was me.

It swallowed me into a pit of depression.

Little Naomi didn’t know how to handle it,

She was a child,

She couldn’t hold the darkness,

It built up,

until it exploded into panic attacks.

I’m now realizing how strong little Naomi is.

I love her soo much.

The saving grace,

The holy vibrations,

MUSIC.

Music saved my life.

Got lost in the rhythm.

Took me to another reality.

A sweet surrender.

Dancing like a flame,

Singing at the top of my lungs.

In those moments,

I was free.

My demons melted away.

I would dream of seeing my favourite artists live. One year I got hyped up about Lollapalooza, a music festival in Berlin. But little Naomi lacked confidence, friends and money to go. I was living in a place of fear.

The last few years I’ve been healing my trauma wounds. My spirit guides assure me that this world has beautiful things for me. I trust the universe. I am open to receive the miracles life has to offer.

In 2019, I let go of what was dulling out my light; left a shitty relationship, left my job, my house, gave away most of my possessions, bought a one way ticket to Greece and tickets to the 2020 Porto Primavera festival.

Due to covid the festival kept being postponed but finally it arrived!

Thing is with trauma is that it keeps coming up. Its a constant battle, but once you make friends with the demons, it gets a lot easier to reason with them and not let them take over your reality.

They started whispering thoughts of fear

“Everyone will be drunk with their friends, and you’ll be the sober loser on your own”

For some time I entertained these ear worms.

Then I came to my senses.

I have the music.

It’s about the music.

My childhood dream.

I AM strong enough to go on my own.

Little Naomi would be so proud.

So off I hopped on a plane to Portugal…

To be continued…

On BIG Mouth Naomi

One of My (physical) Guides…

Wherever I choose to settle…

I find myself,

Meeting a guide or two…

A particular type of guide always comes up.

Being;

Insanely inquisitive,

Perfectly poised,

(But somehow at the same time…)

Skittishly comical.

I’m fascinated at how they survive the treacherous stunts they do!

Masters at living in the moment.

May I introduce to you….

All the way from the sixth dimension…

Here to help humans remember who the fuck we are…

Cats!

Bubba camouflaged in the compost.

Internalised Capitalism

It’s been a while since I wrote something and actually published it on here!

Mainly because I’ve been dealing with my own shit. When certain negative emotions arise, I like to take step back, analyze my brain, by asking myself questions; to find the root of the problem. This is called Shadow work.

So if you want to know how my brain works, and probably yours too, as we’re all pretty similar, carry on reading…

I was out in the fancy part of Rome.

The people were like the buildings; ozzing elegance and class.

Look down at myself, stain on my top, worn out boots, no make up, hairy armpits.

Feelings of inadequacy start bubbling up inside.

When we feel jealous of someone,

There’s two paths our mind can take.

Either, strive to be “better” than them.

This might sound like a healthy mindset, because this is what society encourages. But seeing others as competition is toxic. It can create an addiction mentality, because they’ll always be someone “better” than us.

Instead of looking within ourselves; we are taught to look outside. This mindset underpins capitalism. Which explains why depression and anxiety are prevelent today.

I call myself out, when I notice my mind going to dark places, for example with negative self talk.

“Oi thought! This mind is a place of LOVE.”

Although I’m an anti capitalist badass, we live in a capitalist world, where the conditioning is clever, we don’t even realise it. It can easily infiltrate our minds. Becoming a constant self love battle.

By @stacieswift

My initial feelings towards the fancy people was completely the opposite of striving to be like them…

“Bourgeoisie bullshit” I huffed to myself. “These people are soo fake, they only care about how they look.”

Why can’t I admire someone’s beautiful outfit, without it triggering something within me?

For me, it triggered hurt feelings, of not being able to fit in with others.

The phrase “If you can’t join them, beat them” shows how both mentalities come from the same place. Both see others as competition. Shaming others, becomes a survival tactic.

Not only does it alienate people, but it puts people into boxes, based on how they look/what they do. We like to put labels on things “good” “bad” but it’s not soo black and white.

We cannot be defined by our choices, by how we look, or even our thoughts. We are much greater. I believe we are all connected to the divine; source energy.

Basically we’re all gods and goddesses walking the earth, that have forgotten how much power we have.

What if we’re the aliens?

Okay so we’re part of a capitalist society, but we can protect our heart and mind from toxic behaviours.

Let’s stop shaming each other.

Admire differences. Empower others.

Thanks for reading! Do you relate to anything that I’ve written? Does your mind go through similar thought patterns?

I’m going to be writing more about how internerlised capitalism affects our minds. Stay tuned…

An Athens Love Story P2

My main reason why I love Athens is in my other blog post so if you haven’t read that then… Go read it!

Okay, now thinking about it, perhaps this is the top reason why I love Greece…

Greek people.

Gosh you lot are quite something! I don’t like to generalise, but hey I’m going to generalise. I feel like I’m allowed to, since I’ve lived here for a while now and notice significant differences between Greeks and English people.

I feel like there’s two main type of Greek people.

The religious Greeks.

If you’ve read my other posts, you might have come to the conclusion that I dislike religion. Although I have a lot of constructive criticism to give to the churches. I won’t go into that now… I’ll save it for another blog post.

This is a Love story after all!

What do I love about religious people?

Spirituality gives people purpose and direction.

As Buddhists and Meeseeks say “existence is pain.”

When bad situations enter our lives, we might see this as a test from God/Universe.

How do we show up? How does our experience shape us? Do we let our past decions define who we are today?

Eutopia project

The use of rituals is prehistoric.

Many of us partake in rituals without realising, whether it be celebrating a wedding, new year, birthday or grieving someone at a funeral. These events help us connect with our emotions and reflect.

Our busy lives take over, and often these events become the only rituals we observe.

While religious people, who often pray; to give thanks, ask for strength and forgiveness with whatever they’re dealing with. Surrendering what they can’t change to the universe/God. Giving all that weight and power to a higher being, with the belief that they will help you overcome it, is a mindful practice.

The act of positioning your hands in a certain way, for example bringing the palms together in a prayer position “connects the right and the left hemispheres of the brain and connects with spirituality/god/divinity. It promotes respect for oneself and others. It is considered a natural remedy for stress and anxiety and is useful for entering into a meditative state.” (from kooshoo.com)

It’s common to see people praying and making the sign of the cross on themselves, when they touch the head, the chest then both shoulders. The act of connecting a physical action with a spiritual belief is powerful in itself. Mind, body and spirit are connected. Practicing these rituals daily, help us connect with our higher self/intuition/god.

The Greek spiritual art work has its own unique style. The artist sees their creation as a part of their worship, therefore take time to make something beautiful. Rich jewel tones are a common theme: gold, emerald, marron and of course the classic Greek blue.

Lepon…

I said there was two main types of Greek people…

Can you guess the other group?

Anarchists! Of course!

Christians and Anarchists, polar opposites right?

It may look like that on the surface, until you look deeper and it becomes apparent that both groups are very similar.

Anarchism is derived from the Greek root anarchos meaning “without authority. ” They reject hierarchy structures and call for abolition of the state.

So do they want complete chaos? No

Instead of goverment, they think that people should work together to create a society in any form they choose. The belief that we can take care of each other without a government, is to have faith in humanity.

What do you think would happen, if we didn’t have governments? Do you trust people or governments more with your wellbeing?

Questioning and rebelling against authority goes back to ancient Greece. Philosophers that dared to share their controversial thoughts were put in prison and executed for “corrupting the youth.”

You can find Socrates prison in Filoupapou Hill, where he was held and killed. His friends and followers planned on setting him free, but he denied their help, choosing to martyr himself.

Imagine his followers at these bars begging him to leave, he nonchalantly replies “We don’t know what the death is, it’s not reasonable to be afraid of it.”

Would you call him brave or stupid?

In modern Greek history, a fascist junta military dictatorship took power in April 1967. Those who stood against them were tortured and killed. Freedoms were restricted; elections abolished, demonstrations and strikes forbidden, only church gatherings were allowed.

This led to the growth of Anarchist and Anti fascist movements in Greece, led by mainly students.

On November of 1973, students and citizens came together holding a massive demonstration at the Polytechnic University. The dictatorship retaliated by crashing a tank through the gates of the University, brutally murdering 24 people and leaving many injured.

Emotionally looking through pictures and footage of the uprising. Reminding me of the countries that are currently under oppressive rule.

Courageous people, that know how dangerous protesting is, but because they have soo much love for each other and what is right, they put their lives on the line. Rest in peace.

The same anarchist chants echo through the streets today. “Our passion for freedom is stronger than any prison.”

No One is Illegal

My favourite anarchist value is that no one “owns” land. We are all citizens of the earth and we should be allowed to go wherever we please. Sadly the ruling class have divided the earth with imaginary borders. Imagine the first person to ever draw maps. How would they know what seperates one country from another?

Anarchists offer support towards refugees, providing food at solidarity kitchens. They also are invited into squats. There’s even a squat only for women and their children.

Can you find any similarities between Christians and Anarchists?

They’re both about humanity and solidarity.

Which explains why Greeks have hearts of gold. Many that I’ve lived with would often cook me food and check in on me. One Greek lady would always end our conversations with “if there’s anything you need just let me know.”

The white cross in the Greek flag represents the Orthodox religion. While the 9 white and blue stripes represents the amount of syllabus of the phrase Ελευθερία ή Θάνατος’ (Eleftheria I Thanatos) which means “Freedom or Death.” Perfect symbolism for the general Greek attitudes.

We all need a helping hand

Thank you for reading till the end!

What did you learn from this article? Are you Greek? Do you agree that Greeks have beautiful souls? I’d love to know your thoughts!

I still have soo much more to write about magical Greece!

Forgive And Forget

Ending the story between myself and this Athenian malaka.

As Sometimes,

We need to take a step back,

Say Sorry,

Otherwise,

It will Keep,

Waying You Down.

Forget it,

Really Forget it.

I know this goes against what I wrote in another blog post, but what can I say, I’m developing!

Do Not Let Your Trauma Define You.

That’s Easier said than done I know…

Let’s Start…

Analysing the Words We Use.

Let me tell you a Secret…

Each time We Tell Ourselves,

We are Not Good Enough,

Our Brain takes that As Fact,

And You will Become Just That…

Not Good Enough.

Be careful with language.

“I was hurt, it destroyed me”

Or

“I was hurt, I am healing”

Can you see the difference that has?

This Is Not Avoiding Your problems.

Be Honest,

Write down Your Problems,

I’ve been putting mine in the Fire.

Feels very freeing

Surrendering it to the Universe.

Anyway I go off tangent easily!

To The Athenian malaka,

I’m Sorry,

You were

Born + Raised

In a Toxic System

Taught to Hate Yourself

It sucks.

But it helps me

Understand…

The Way You Are,

Your Behavior,

Was Learnt

At a Young age.

You saw Other Men,

Disrespecting Women.

And You Thought it was

Normal.

I’m Sorry.

To Fight or Not to Fight?

That is the Question…

I came across an athenian man’s instagram account.

Claiming to be a “Media News Company”

His content?

Pictures of A WombAn

with captions such as:

“pimple monster” “ugly” “catfish”

Fire In My Belly!

How Dare he!

MisTreatMySister!

WombAn Rising.

Patriarchachy crumbling.

Do Not Understimate Us.

We Are More Connected to the Earth Mother.

We Fight

With

Our

Whole

Mind

And

Heart.

Intuitively Stronger.

Strong Instincts.

Protect. Love. Defend.

Go on Make Fun of Me!

You Can’t You Cunt.

Because I love Myself.

I Want to Make myself Look Weird

Because I AM Weird!

And Proud.

No Place For Bullying Here.

Warrior Hair

I Am Warrior Earth Goddess.

I Do Not Want To Fight.

When We Fight Others,

We Are Fighting Ourselves.

We’re All Connected

Don’t you get it?

NO! You’re Not Getting It!

We Are Sentient

We Are Sick of It

Peaceful Protesting

Speaking Out

Against Crimes

Towards The Earth.

Us Because We

The Earth.

Using Non Violent Direct Action.

Protests, Petitions, Demonstations

But When The

Corrupted Patriarchal System

We Are currently Being Oppressed by

Does Nothing To Support Us.

We Take Matters into Our Own Hands.