Facing My Demons

Brain is spilling out with heartfelt experiences about what I learnt from my trip to Portugal. There’s honestly soo much to write about! This will be one of many Portugal inspired blog posts.

First off, let me take you back to my past…

Childhood trauma haunted me.

I couldn’t escape, because it was me.

It swallowed me into a pit of depression.

Little Naomi didn’t know how to handle it,

She was a child,

She couldn’t hold the darkness,

It built up,

until it exploded into panic attacks.

I’m now realizing how strong little Naomi is.

I love her soo much.

The saving grace,

The holy vibrations,

MUSIC.

Music saved my life.

Got lost in the rhythm.

Took me to another reality.

A sweet surrender.

Dancing like a flame,

Singing at the top of my lungs.

In those moments,

I was free.

My demons melted away.

I would dream of seeing my favourite artists live. One year I got hyped up about Lollapalooza, a music festival in Berlin. But little Naomi lacked confidence, friends and money to go. I was living in a place of fear.

The last few years I’ve been healing my trauma wounds. My spirit guides assure me that this world has beautiful things for me. I trust the universe. I am open to receive the miracles life has to offer.

In 2019, I let go of what was dulling out my light; left a shitty relationship, left my job, my house, gave away most of my possessions, bought a one way ticket to Greece and tickets to the 2020 Porto Primavera festival.

Due to covid the festival kept being postponed but finally it arrived!

Thing is with trauma is that it keeps coming up. Its a constant battle, but once you make friends with the demons, it gets a lot easier to reason with them and not let them take over your reality.

They started whispering thoughts of fear

“Everyone will be drunk with their friends, and you’ll be the sober loser on your own”

For some time I entertained these ear worms.

Then I came to my senses.

I have the music.

It’s about the music.

My childhood dream.

I AM strong enough to go on my own.

Little Naomi would be so proud.

So off I hopped on a plane to Portugal…

To be continued…

On BIG Mouth Naomi

One of My (physical) Guides…

Wherever I choose to settle…

I find myself,

Meeting a guide or two…

A particular type of guide always comes up.

Being;

Insanely inquisitive,

Perfectly poised,

(But somehow at the same time…)

Skittishly comical.

I’m fascinated at how they survive the treacherous stunts they do!

Masters at living in the moment.

May I introduce to you….

All the way from the sixth dimension…

Here to help humans remember who the fuck we are…

Cats!

Bubba camouflaged in the compost.

Learning To Receive

The thing is about being human, being here on this earth is we’re always fighting. Fighting against our own bodies and the external. It’s almost like we feel we’re going to fall apart if we don’t keep it together, turn into a pile of goo on the floor.

I used to always be fighting. Thinking the worst (that the government are selling our soul’s energy ect..) How do these thoughts serve me? How are they impacting my life?

I took a big step; letting go. I stopped trying to control every outcome. Surrendering my life to the universe.

Welcoming

Each moment,

As it arrives.

Receiving the beauty and pain of life.

Feeling it deeply.

That’s where the magic is.

You see us humans have this tendancy to be on the never ending quest of self improvement.

Which is great and all…

But how often,

Do you stop and appreciate,

How you’re already whole.

You’re already a divine being.

A child of the universe.

~ Soak it in ~

Guess Who’s Back

Wack out the haggard notebook. Delv into the draw, find a perfect pen. Now time to go on a date with the blank page. Staring at each other awkwardly. How do I express myself? Trick is to write the first things that come to you. Get the flow going, then you can totally ride the wave dude!

I love going on dates with blank pages. Pouring your mind onto paper, creating portals with words.

But I was in a self destructive cycle; ignoring the wisdom from my higher self, telling me to write.

Mind, body and soul are intrinsically connected. If you ignore your Higher Self for long enough, it brings dis-ease. As you’re literally going against your soul.

Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom, to get us to wake up and listen. The tower card in the tarot deck. It’s love hate relationship with tower moments. Bit of tough love from the universe.

Healing letter to my Higher Self

I started writing about dimensions and evolution, getting frustrated with wording it right. My spirit guides gave me a good talking to “Keep it simple. Write about where you’re at.”

So here I am, with a short and simple post. I will be posting some deep spiritual stuff soon though!

A New World is Coming

I’ve been ruminating about this post for a while now. I’m treading carefully, as I don’t want to come across as preachy. This faith is different to religions. As only You can get through your awakening. No one can drag you there. It’s totally in your hands.

Once you awaken, all these downloads will come in and it becomes painful to keep quiet and pretend that everything is normal.

The universe knew that I was struggling to write this, so they sent messages to inspire. Most of the messages came through conversations with random people. If you ever have an urge to say something to someone, it’s probably the universe guiding you. A small comment might seem insincificant, but it may be a puzzle piece for someone. You have more of an impact than you think you do!

Someone messaged me saying

“Energy. That sounds like a fairytale.”

That’s because it is! The media is full of clues about how the universe works. What’s the main thing we learn from fairytales?

Love Always Wins.

In fairytales, it always gets to a point where it looks like the villains are about to win. But everytime, something miraculous happens, the heroes pull through, and save the world.

The same will happen in our reality.

Having a chat with a Christian lady, she was talking about armegedon and saying that it didn’t make sense how it is predicted that “People will fight with God.”

God is inside us.

Before that beautiful loving energy can come through, we need to shed the paradigms that keep us comfortable. As the old paradigms are consumed by flames, we may cling on to them or try to revive them, this won’t work and just lengthen the painful process until you surrender to the darkness.

After the fire has settled, a beautiful Phoenix will rise from the ashes. That’s you, fully in your power!

When people talk about “the end of the world” they normally expect huge dramatic things to happen externally. It might do, but this will be a reflection of the inner shift that we’ll be going through.

No one is coming to save you.

You’re the Hero!

I’m soo proud of you, for all the work you’ve already done on yourself and all that you will do in the future. It’s been hard, and it will continue to get harder.

Have faith light being. We are giving birth to a new world. Birthing is not an easy process.

This song came out last year when I was having my awakening, gives me goosebumps and makes me cry everytime!

What Your Made Of

Wandering through Mother Nature’s Kingdom. Where she is recognised as the Queen. Her shapely legs take up all the space they need, up to the heavens she proudly reaches. She’s an ancient mother, covered in cracks and crevices, her wrinkles make her look even more beautiful. The smell of rich fertile soil, wafts through the air, luring seeds.

Admiring the joyful song of the winged angels, when a squeeky little “Oi” pierced through. I slowly turned my head left to right, in search of the noise, again it chimed in “Oi you! I’m the acorn!”

I gently picked up the Acorn that was desperate for my attention.

“Do you know how a tiny acorn like me, will grow into a mighty oak tree?”

Tilting my head back in thought I replied “How do you grow into a mighty oak tree?”

“Listen up Light One, A special formula is encoded, Inside Every Living Thing.

It’s called the Seed of Life, This pattern naturally Creates Harmony and Abundance.

If I were to fall into the trap of comparing myself to the big trees, forgetting that I’m made up of the same greatness. I wouldn’t grow. As that would be planting seeds of doubt.

So Light One, have faith, in yourself, in what we’re made of. Flower of Life, let your abundance flow it’s Your Birth Right!”

Breaking Internalised Capitalism

I’m back from my travels. Currently isolating at my dad’s house. So I’ve got plenty of time to write!

This post is pretty out there… I’m trusting the universe that you are ready to receive this message.

Does emotional attachment affect physical items?

Last year, before I started travelling, I said goodbye to most of my stuff. Keeping a few boxes full of sentimental things at my dad’s house.

By just living with a few items in my backpack, I realised how much I needed (not very much!)

I would often find items in the streets of Athens, and add it to my collection. In turn giving away good quality things. With the sense of, if I give to the universe, the universe will give it three times back to me. A gift to the gods if you will!

Looking through what I decided to keep, I felt a disconnect from the physical item, but not the story that came with it.

For example my childhood teddy…

I’m not embarrassed to share, that it was hard parting with my teddy. Teddy is a professional-on-demand cuddler. I would always cuddle my teddy when sad or anxious.

It feels strange being with teddy again. It looks the same, but it feels different. Gives me an alternative universe vibe.

I’ve learnt how to comfort myself without my teddy. Losing attachment towards it. Dealing with emotions that come up, on my own. Instead of using something else to cope with it.

Taking on the very literal term of “emotional baggage.”

In the brilliant film the Labyrinth, Sarah is on an adventure in a weird world, rescuing her brother from goblin King David Bowie.

Relived to find herself in her room. “It was all a dream” she exclaimed, firmly grounding herself to teddy Lancelot.

Then this creepy hoarder lady makes Sarah connect with 3d items. But Sarah starts to remember, there was something she was meant to do.

By letting go of her attachments, the simulated version of her house, starts to crumble.

Capitalism has made us focus on the physical. We spend most of our lives, making money.

Is this really what we’re meant to be doing?

Does this disconnect us from our true self?

Is there something we should be remembering?

If you enjoyed reading this, check out my previous post on how  internerlised capitalism shows up regarding how we treat others.

Internalised Capitalism

It’s been a while since I wrote something and actually published it on here!

Mainly because I’ve been dealing with my own shit. When certain negative emotions arise, I like to take step back, analyze my brain, by asking myself questions; to find the root of the problem. This is called Shadow work.

So if you want to know how my brain works, and probably yours too, as we’re all pretty similar, carry on reading…

I was out in the fancy part of Rome.

The people were like the buildings; ozzing elegance and class.

Look down at myself, stain on my top, worn out boots, no make up, hairy armpits.

Feelings of inadequacy start bubbling up inside.

When we feel jealous of someone,

There’s two paths our mind can take.

Either, strive to be “better” than them.

This might sound like a healthy mindset, because this is what society encourages. But seeing others as competition is toxic. It can create an addiction mentality, because they’ll always be someone “better” than us.

Instead of looking within ourselves; we are taught to look outside. This mindset underpins capitalism. Which explains why depression and anxiety are prevelent today.

I call myself out, when I notice my mind going to dark places, for example with negative self talk.

“Oi thought! This mind is a place of LOVE.”

Although I’m an anti capitalist badass, we live in a capitalist world, where the conditioning is clever, we don’t even realise it. It can easily infiltrate our minds. Becoming a constant self love battle.

By @stacieswift

My initial feelings towards the fancy people was completely the opposite of striving to be like them…

“Bourgeoisie bullshit” I huffed to myself. “These people are soo fake, they only care about how they look.”

Why can’t I admire someone’s beautiful outfit, without it triggering something within me?

For me, it triggered hurt feelings, of not being able to fit in with others.

The phrase “If you can’t join them, beat them” shows how both mentalities come from the same place. Both see others as competition. Shaming others, becomes a survival tactic.

Not only does it alienate people, but it puts people into boxes, based on how they look/what they do. We like to put labels on things “good” “bad” but it’s not soo black and white.

We cannot be defined by our choices, by how we look, or even our thoughts. We are much greater. I believe we are all connected to the divine; source energy.

Basically we’re all gods and goddesses walking the earth, that have forgotten how much power we have.

What if we’re the aliens?

Okay so we’re part of a capitalist society, but we can protect our heart and mind from toxic behaviours.

Let’s stop shaming each other.

Admire differences. Empower others.

Thanks for reading! Do you relate to anything that I’ve written? Does your mind go through similar thought patterns?

I’m going to be writing more about how internerlised capitalism affects our minds. Stay tuned…

Forgive And Forget

Ending the story between myself and this Athenian malaka.

As Sometimes,

We need to take a step back,

Say Sorry,

Otherwise,

It will Keep,

Waying You Down.

Forget it,

Really Forget it.

I know this goes against what I wrote in another blog post, but what can I say, I’m developing!

Do Not Let Your Trauma Define You.

That’s Easier said than done I know…

Let’s Start…

Analysing the Words We Use.

Let me tell you a Secret…

Each time We Tell Ourselves,

We are Not Good Enough,

Our Brain takes that As Fact,

And You will Become Just That…

Not Good Enough.

Be careful with language.

“I was hurt, it destroyed me”

Or

“I was hurt, I am healing”

Can you see the difference that has?

This Is Not Avoiding Your problems.

Be Honest,

Write down Your Problems,

I’ve been putting mine in the Fire.

Feels very freeing

Surrendering it to the Universe.

Anyway I go off tangent easily!

To The Athenian malaka,

I’m Sorry,

You were

Born + Raised

In a Toxic System

Taught to Hate Yourself

It sucks.

But it helps me

Understand…

The Way You Are,

Your Behavior,

Was Learnt

At a Young age.

You saw Other Men,

Disrespecting Women.

And You Thought it was

Normal.

I’m Sorry.

To Fight or Not to Fight?

That is the Question…

I came across an athenian man’s instagram account.

Claiming to be a “Media News Company”

His content?

Pictures of A WombAn

with captions such as:

“pimple monster” “ugly” “catfish”

Fire In My Belly!

How Dare he!

MisTreatMySister!

WombAn Rising.

Patriarchachy crumbling.

Do Not Understimate Us.

We Are More Connected to the Earth Mother.

We Fight

With

Our

Whole

Mind

And

Heart.

Intuitively Stronger.

Strong Instincts.

Protect. Love. Defend.

Go on Make Fun of Me!

You Can’t You Cunt.

Because I love Myself.

I Want to Make myself Look Weird

Because I AM Weird!

And Proud.

No Place For Bullying Here.

Warrior Hair

I Am Warrior Earth Goddess.

I Do Not Want To Fight.

When We Fight Others,

We Are Fighting Ourselves.

We’re All Connected

Don’t you get it?

NO! You’re Not Getting It!

We Are Sentient

We Are Sick of It

Peaceful Protesting

Speaking Out

Against Crimes

Towards The Earth.

Us Because We

The Earth.

Using Non Violent Direct Action.

Protests, Petitions, Demonstations

But When The

Corrupted Patriarchal System

We Are currently Being Oppressed by

Does Nothing To Support Us.

We Take Matters into Our Own Hands.