My soul can Breathe

First night at my new place. In fact it’s my first night sleeping in a proper bed in about 2 months! Due to being homeless, once again. To be fair I did have homelessness on my bucket list, for the experience and wisdom it gives. You learn to love the little things, plus it gives you freedom to move anywhere you please. But ultimately having your own personal space is so important for the soul.

While I was living in my tiny tent, I found a red printed mandala duvet and pillow case set in a charity shop. Now I’m ecstatic to have it on an actual bed!

Here I am, on this beautiful bed and can I sleep, can I fuck lol.

One must experience complete darkness, before you can find the light.

I’ve been patient.

I’ve followed the gentle calling of my heart.

Tripping Through trials triumphantly.

It hasn’t been easy.

It’s slow and messy.

be easier to end it all. But I could never.

Life is beautiful even in the darkness.

Look at the skies,

moons and sunrises.

Abundant woodlands.

Weed and Music.

Thank fuck for music.

I knew my time for happiness was coming.

This pain hasn’t been in vain.

There’s a reason.

You’re here.

For a reason.

Don’t doubt that!

Or think “oh I’m not that special”

You are whatever you say you are.

Build yourself up babe.

Because We need You.

To be the most you,

(because only you can do it muthafucker.)

Amongst all the noise,

Listen to the gentle calling of your heart.

The universe will give you everything

you need to grow.

Find the patterns

that don’t serve you,

crush them with your spirit.

This will rewire dna.  

You’ll flourish

into an abundant human.

Facing My Demons

Brain is spilling out with heartfelt experiences about what I learnt from my trip to Portugal. There’s honestly soo much to write about! This will be one of many Portugal inspired blog posts.

First off, let me take you back to my past…

Childhood trauma haunted me.

I couldn’t escape, because it was me.

It swallowed me into a pit of depression.

Little Naomi didn’t know how to handle it,

She was a child,

She couldn’t hold the darkness,

It built up,

until it exploded into panic attacks.

I’m now realizing how strong little Naomi is.

I love her soo much.

The saving grace,

The holy vibrations,

MUSIC.

Music saved my life.

Got lost in the rhythm.

Took me to another reality.

A sweet surrender.

Dancing like a flame,

Singing at the top of my lungs.

In those moments,

I was free.

My demons melted away.

I would dream of seeing my favourite artists live. One year I got hyped up about Lollapalooza, a music festival in Berlin. But little Naomi lacked confidence, friends and money to go. I was living in a place of fear.

The last few years I’ve been healing my trauma wounds. My spirit guides assure me that this world has beautiful things for me. I trust the universe. I am open to receive the miracles life has to offer.

In 2019, I let go of what was dulling out my light; left a shitty relationship, left my job, my house, gave away most of my possessions, bought a one way ticket to Greece and tickets to the 2020 Porto Primavera festival.

Due to covid the festival kept being postponed but finally it arrived!

Thing is with trauma is that it keeps coming up. Its a constant battle, but once you make friends with the demons, it gets a lot easier to reason with them and not let them take over your reality.

They started whispering thoughts of fear

“Everyone will be drunk with their friends, and you’ll be the sober loser on your own”

For some time I entertained these ear worms.

Then I came to my senses.

I have the music.

It’s about the music.

My childhood dream.

I AM strong enough to go on my own.

Little Naomi would be so proud.

So off I hopped on a plane to Portugal…

To be continued…

On BIG Mouth Naomi

You’ve Got A Higher Power

If you haven’t read my last post I suggest that you go read it, otherwise this might not make much sense.

I’m not going to lie, after publishing my last post a sense of fear came over me.

I did some shadow work, to find out where this fear came from. It boiled down to the fact, that the ones who currently rule the physical world, do not want us to remember this. Throughout history they have murdered shamans, lightworkers, witches, healers. Not only killing them, but taking the knowledge and techniques, to use to their advantage and making it harder for us to remember. (I’ll go further into how they do this in another post)

I had a long discussion with my spirit guides, I was making loads of excuses why I couldn’t do it. They lovingly reminded me “remember who you are” What do they mean by that? This might sound like an odd question, but do you know who you are?

Without labelling yourself as what you do, your interests, job, titles, roles, without all that, who are you?

Are you your thoughts? In your head say the word: hello. Can hear that voice in your head? You are the listener, the one observing the voice, not the voice itself.

So how do you find out, who you are? By working on yourself, practicing meditation. No thoughts. Becoming nothing. You will meet your higher self. Your true essence.

Your soul will leave the body and you’ll experience the purest form of love and light. It’s beautiful and feels soo familiar, like coming back home. You’ll realise that you are in the presence of god and that you are an extention of that energy.

I don’t often use the word god as I feel like religion has tainted that word, I prefer source energy/universe/spirit. But feel like I need to say god, so you can appreciate how powerful you are.

There’s no need to be scared of the ones ruling the physical world. We’re made of the strongest force in the universe; Love.

The truth is reveling itself. Everything will be exposed. This is why many people are having awakenings. My purpose is to help others on their awakening journey.

You might be thinking that I’m crazy. But I reckon there’s another voice in your head saying that it might be true. Probably because one of the rules of the universe, is that this knowledge can’t be a complete secret. What’s going on has to be at least indirectly mentioned. There’s soo many clues in song lyrics, flims, books, symbology and myths.

I love learning lyrics to songs, and that really helped me realise what’s going on. So perhaps I’ll share a song that’s relevant to what I’m talking about in each blog post.

This tune puts a smile on my face and great to have a boogie to! Coldplay are such an underrated band in my opinion.

There’s alot more coming out of my big mouth about the awakening! Follow me so you don’t miss out on my posts. Thanks for having an open mind and reading.

Speaking My Truth

There’s a reason why I’m blogging, that I haven’t shared with you. Yes, to express myself, but there’s a bigger reason than that.

Before I share what my truth is, let me paint a picture of what happened in my life that led me to this truth.

Since I was a child, I knew there was something wrong with the world. Most people that I meet are good, so how come there’s soo much bad in the world?

My heart filled with sadness, as I watched corporate greed destroy mother earth. I became heavily involved with wildlife charities and protesting with Extinction Rebellion. But nothing seemed to be changing, if anything it got worse.

I felt like I how can I be happy, earning money to help run a fucked up system? What’s the point? There’s got to be more to life!? Can you relate to this? Are you searching too? The seeker shall find… Keep asking…

Around this time last year, I received some inheritance money. I made the decision to leave an unfufilling relationship, gave all my stuff away and got a one way ticket to Greece. It might seem a bit drastic, but it was exactly what I needed.

It was only when I stopped trying to save the world, and start to really get to know myself and heal my wounds, that everything became clear.

I had a spiritual awakening.

You might think, a spiritual awakening would be all peace and love. But it’s not at all. You have to explore the darkest parts of yourself, everything you’ve kept hidden, secrets that you don’t want to deal with. It’s hard, but keep going! Run to the darkness. You’ll find a light. Spoiler alert the light is You! Your higher self.

At some point in this never ending healing journey, your third eye will burst open, and you’ll receive what the spiritual community call “downloads” which is basically you remembering knowledge, about everything, why the world is how it is, what will happen in the future, the meaning of life ect.

You’re probably thinking, okay Naomi so how are we going to bring peace to the earth?

Imagine the world as a cell, everything that is from the cell is made up of the same molecules as the cell itself. This explains why we have so much turmoil in our own lives, because the world is also in turmoil.

Now imagine each microbe on an infected cell started to take control of their mind, body and soul. This changes the whole cell, because the microbes make up the cell.

Okay but Naomi, just because I awaken, that doesn’t mean everyone else will?

You might have come across the phrase “we are all connected.” Have you ever had an idea, then seen your exact idea done by someone else? This is because we share a consciousness. Although in the physical realm, it looks like we’re seperate, in the spiritual realm we’re one big energy ocean.

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We’re living in a time prophesied in all ancient religions known as the great awakening.

It’s very exciting and liberating to finally write about this! I have alot to write about. But you will only fully understand and know the truth, when you’ve explored your dark side. Are you ready to take that step?

From Uprooted to Repotted

Us humans are intresting creatures.

We came from the Earth Mother, Plants that turned human.

Consider how alike we are to plants:

Just as roots draw up nutrients from the Earth. We eat food that’s from the earth.

Our bodies do the work of balancing the life giving energy from the sun, with the purity of water.

Plants thrive when they’re in a community; picture a lush forest. We also need each other for friendship and support.

Plants require a home. Some form of stable ground where they can spread their roots.

Houses are like pots, A safe space, where we feel comfortable to spread our roots.

After travelling, I came back to my childhood pot. The shadows of my roots welcomed me back. Reconnected with my past self, Honouring the younger version of me. Thankful for how much I’ve grown and learnt.

As the plant grows, the roots take up all the space that’s available. A pot bound plant needs more earth to take in nutrients, but most are resilient enough to survive being pot bound. When they’re eventually repotted into a bigger home the plant experiences stress, until they have adjusted to their new home where they can thrive once more.

I liked my childhood pot, but had outgrown it. I felt a call to live in a totally new place. So I made myself homeless again. With a handful of my belongings on back, I drifted through England.

Uprooted, living in hostels, no stable ground to claim as my own, it dulled my light. I was in survival mode, didn’t have it in me to do what I love; create.

After relentlessly messaging landlords, I eventually found a pot I could call home in Exeter.

The first few days I was feeling down in my new home. The air was really thick and muggy, which added to my blues. Sleeping with the windows wide open, but no breeze graced me.

One day I was woken up at 5:30 am by heavy rain. A wide smile spread across my face. Thank you beautiful rain! I ran outside dancing, singing “FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN…”

I looked up the song, and the lyrics resonated so well with my situation. The universe is always talking to us. I’ve linked in the version with the lyrics so you can dance and sing to it too!

Thanks for reading! Expect more regular posts as I’m feeling the divine creative energy run through me.

Breaking Internalised Capitalism

I’m back from my travels. Currently isolating at my dad’s house. So I’ve got plenty of time to write!

This post is pretty out there… I’m trusting the universe that you are ready to receive this message.

Does emotional attachment affect physical items?

Last year, before I started travelling, I said goodbye to most of my stuff. Keeping a few boxes full of sentimental things at my dad’s house.

By just living with a few items in my backpack, I realised how much I needed (not very much!)

I would often find items in the streets of Athens, and add it to my collection. In turn giving away good quality things. With the sense of, if I give to the universe, the universe will give it three times back to me. A gift to the gods if you will!

Looking through what I decided to keep, I felt a disconnect from the physical item, but not the story that came with it.

For example my childhood teddy…

I’m not embarrassed to share, that it was hard parting with my teddy. Teddy is a professional-on-demand cuddler. I would always cuddle my teddy when sad or anxious.

It feels strange being with teddy again. It looks the same, but it feels different. Gives me an alternative universe vibe.

I’ve learnt how to comfort myself without my teddy. Losing attachment towards it. Dealing with emotions that come up, on my own. Instead of using something else to cope with it.

Taking on the very literal term of “emotional baggage.”

In the brilliant film the Labyrinth, Sarah is on an adventure in a weird world, rescuing her brother from goblin King David Bowie.

Relived to find herself in her room. “It was all a dream” she exclaimed, firmly grounding herself to teddy Lancelot.

Then this creepy hoarder lady makes Sarah connect with 3d items. But Sarah starts to remember, there was something she was meant to do.

By letting go of her attachments, the simulated version of her house, starts to crumble.

Capitalism has made us focus on the physical. We spend most of our lives, making money.

Is this really what we’re meant to be doing?

Does this disconnect us from our true self?

Is there something we should be remembering?

If you enjoyed reading this, check out my previous post on how  internerlised capitalism shows up regarding how we treat others.

Internalised Capitalism

It’s been a while since I wrote something and actually published it on here!

Mainly because I’ve been dealing with my own shit. When certain negative emotions arise, I like to take step back, analyze my brain, by asking myself questions; to find the root of the problem. This is called Shadow work.

So if you want to know how my brain works, and probably yours too, as we’re all pretty similar, carry on reading…

I was out in the fancy part of Rome.

The people were like the buildings; ozzing elegance and class.

Look down at myself, stain on my top, worn out boots, no make up, hairy armpits.

Feelings of inadequacy start bubbling up inside.

When we feel jealous of someone,

There’s two paths our mind can take.

Either, strive to be “better” than them.

This might sound like a healthy mindset, because this is what society encourages. But seeing others as competition is toxic. It can create an addiction mentality, because they’ll always be someone “better” than us.

Instead of looking within ourselves; we are taught to look outside. This mindset underpins capitalism. Which explains why depression and anxiety are prevelent today.

I call myself out, when I notice my mind going to dark places, for example with negative self talk.

“Oi thought! This mind is a place of LOVE.”

Although I’m an anti capitalist badass, we live in a capitalist world, where the conditioning is clever, we don’t even realise it. It can easily infiltrate our minds. Becoming a constant self love battle.

By @stacieswift

My initial feelings towards the fancy people was completely the opposite of striving to be like them…

“Bourgeoisie bullshit” I huffed to myself. “These people are soo fake, they only care about how they look.”

Why can’t I admire someone’s beautiful outfit, without it triggering something within me?

For me, it triggered hurt feelings, of not being able to fit in with others.

The phrase “If you can’t join them, beat them” shows how both mentalities come from the same place. Both see others as competition. Shaming others, becomes a survival tactic.

Not only does it alienate people, but it puts people into boxes, based on how they look/what they do. We like to put labels on things “good” “bad” but it’s not soo black and white.

We cannot be defined by our choices, by how we look, or even our thoughts. We are much greater. I believe we are all connected to the divine; source energy.

Basically we’re all gods and goddesses walking the earth, that have forgotten how much power we have.

What if we’re the aliens?

Okay so we’re part of a capitalist society, but we can protect our heart and mind from toxic behaviours.

Let’s stop shaming each other.

Admire differences. Empower others.

Thanks for reading! Do you relate to anything that I’ve written? Does your mind go through similar thought patterns?

I’m going to be writing more about how internerlised capitalism affects our minds. Stay tuned…